


we could pretend (even if we’re not pretending)

by fiveyaaas



Series: wrapped up in love [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, I hate it here, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Humor, but i accidentally made it diego fake dating ben and klaus to flex on eudora, ish, i’m sorry i started this out with cute fluffy intentions, making titles is IMPOSSIBLE, or... somewhat seriously, side fiveya and alluther if that bothers you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27872522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: Diego had made a mistake.When Eudora had told him that she was seeing another man, his first instinct was literally to say, “Oh, well, I’m seeing two other men.”
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Diego Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: wrapped up in love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040662
Comments: 11
Kudos: 73
Collections: Harcest Ficmas 2020





	we could pretend (even if we’re not pretending)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing benkliego as the main ship! If you guys have any problems with characterization, please tell me!

Diego had made a mistake.

When Eudora had told him that she was seeing another man, his first instinct was literally to say, “Oh, well, I’m seeing _two_ other men.” And then, because he wasn’t going to pussy out of a statement like that, he added, “Ben and Klaus. You’ve met them, I assume.”

“The ones you went to boarding school with?”

“Yes.” Not really 100% true, but naming the specifics of his childhood had been too much when they’d first started dating. Then, it had just felt too much to say ever, so he never quite explained it all. He figured that that would have ended the relationship immediately, but apparently he was able to do that without the help of his upbringing.

“They seem sweet!”

”They are.”

“Okay, great, well, I’m genuinely so happy for you, Diego! We should all have dates together or something. Hell, maybe this’ll keep you busy from tampering with evidence.” 

How _dare_ she be so patronizing about this?

Well, if she didn’t believe him, he would _commit._

Klaus, immediately after finding out that Diego was willing to let him live rent-free at his place until the point had been made, said, ‘yes.’ Ben agreed only because he said it would let him keep an eye on both of them, exasperation nearly tangible through the phone call.

The fact that it was the holiday season was what prompted the unfortunate event that followed. 

It had been Klaus’s idea to make holiday-themed cards, claiming that it would be more convincing and also that if he had enough money spent on Groupon he could get something for free (Diego had only been semi-paying attention, but the gist was that they had to wear tacky clothes with dopey smiles for a camera.) When Ben and Klaus both leaned in to kiss his cheek at the same moment, Ben snatching a crumpled up five dollar bill immediately after, Diego’s face went so red that he was pretty sure the cards would ve unconvincing. However, when Ben said it was perfect after they picked out the photos from the samples a few days later, he awkwardly agreed, not knowing what else to say. 

Klaus was the one to suggest personalizing the cards with each recipient, which he felt was too much, but then Ben suggested he could write the one to Mom and that they’d sign it. Figuring that maybe it was a nice touch, he wrote a letter to Grace, making sure to use his best handwriting so she wouldn’t be disappointed.

Ben wrote a few to his colleagues, saying that it was necessary for believability, and Klaus wrote a few to friends that neither he nor Ben had never met before. When Ben suggested that they write some to Five and Vanya and Allison and Luther, Diego raised his brows, but he awkwardly signed them anyways, figuring that it made Ben happy and he was doing him a huge favor anyways. 

This had been the decision that would come back to bite them in the ass. 

While Ben chose to live at his own place, Klaus stayed with him. The boiler room became super crowded, but he didn’t argue with it, just glad he had someone help him no questions asked. And when Klaus asked to sleep in his bed, he didn’t argue, knowing Klaus sometimes struggled to sleep from nightmares. Sometimes, Diego thought he got involved with some of the shitty flings he’d had just to have someone sleep beside him, and, even though he’d never admit it, he appreciated that he could comfort him. 

And if sometimes he stayed up a little later, watching the peaceful expression on his face, lingering on the way his lips chapped in the winter, that was just him being a good friend. 

And if sometimes when he woke up to Klaus’s chapped lips pressing to his forehead, and he snuggled up to him a little closer, that was just because Klaus was a good friend too.

When Allison and Luther got their cards in the mail, he should have expected that Allison took it as a competition to prove she was in the best relationship of them all. Seeing a ‘save the date’ announcement a week after he sent the cards should have been the only logical conclusion he should have made, considering she was more competitive than any of them. 

What he could have never _possibly_ expected was Five showing up in the middle of a double date he had with Eudora, some asshole, and Ben. Literally _appearing_ out of thin air. He slammed down the card with Diego, Klaus, and Ben in ugly sweaters, spitting, “What the _fuck_ is this?”

“Jealous that I’m sleeping with Ben?” Diego asked, trying to play it cool and pretend like this was just a jealous ex because by that point he had just accepted pretending to date his brothers was his thing now.

Five sneered, “Everybody has slept with Ben; it’s _hardly_ an accomplishment. He’s practically the family bicycle.”

“What do you mean ‘ _family bicycle’?”_ Eudora’s boyfriend asked, sounding horrified.

At the confused look on Eudora’s boyfriend’s face, Five added, with a superior roll of his eyes, “Every sibling gets a ride. Catch up.”

“What do you mean _‘sibling’?”_

“Oh, grow _up,”_ he snapped, turning his attention back to Ben and Diego. “Allison has been the _worst._ She keeps flaunting her relationship at all times, _loudly_ and _publicly_ , and she’s made Vanya upset.”

“How is that _our_ fault?” Diego asked flatly.

“You _started_ it!”

 _“Siblings?_ Eudora, you dated this guy?”

“I just want to clarify that I haven’t slept with _all_ of my siblings,” Ben chimed in. “Also, you guys wouldn’t get it anyways, you weren’t raised by an abusive child trafficker with ambiguously alien qualities. Therefore, you have no room to talk.”

“Right, who _haven’t_ you slept with, then?”

Ben paled, glancing over to Diego. Five gasped at the betrayal, “You were _faking_ it?”

“Let me get this straight,” Eudora spoke up. “You faked being in a relationship with two of your _brothers?”_

“You made Vanya sad to prove that you were over some _cop?”_

“You’re _siblings?”_

* * *

When Diego walked home, feeling completely awful about himself, he nearly yelled when somebody appeared beside him. “What do you want, Five?”

“Not Five,” Ben’s voice said, and he craned his neck to look at him. When he did, he let out a surprised noise as Ben set his hands on his shoulders, leaned forward, and kissed him. “Eudora has bad taste if she left you, Diego,” Ben mumbled. “Plus, she’s a _cop_. You can do better than that.”

“What was…” He cleared his throat. “Why did you do that?”

“I wanted to. Is that okay?”

“I- _yeah._ It’s okay.”

“Let’s go back to your place. We didn’t actually eat anything, and Klaus will be there when we get back. I could run and get a pizza or something.”

“Okay.” He was still reeling at the way his lips tasted like Ben’s chapstick. “Yeah, sure. Sounds great.” 

When he got back to his place, Klaus greeted him at the door. Emboldened by talking to Ben, he pulled Klaus forward, pressing his lips to Klaus’s before he could freak out. 

As he pulled away, Klaus asked, brows raised amusedly, “Bad date?”

“Is it normal… to like you and Ben both?” Diego blurted.

“It’s probably one of the _more_ normal things about us, I’d say, so don’t panic about it. Plus, everybody has slept with Ben-“

“That’s true?”

“Oh, yes, absolutely. The family bicycle, you might say.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is one I wouldn’t mind extending! There will be 5 benkliego fic-mas fics in this series, ranging from T-E. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!


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